Patricia (53) is what you might call a caregiver. As a single mother of two wonderful boys with special needs, she’s been in the role of caregiver for years. She has a great job, a few good friends, and family nearby. And yet she often feels lonely.
How did your loneliness begin?
“It crept up on me gradually,” Patricia says. “Not all at once, but little by little. As my children got older, the challenges became more complex. I was on my own when it came to raising them, and finding the right care was a constant struggle.”.
People around me offered well-meaning advice, but I didn't really feel understood. Comments like ‘You just have to be stricter.’ or ‘You're too sweet.’ hurt. So I pulled myself together and did it on my own.
My work became a wonderful distraction—maybe even an escape. I threw myself into it, until it all became too much and I ended up with burnout. That’s when I truly realized how alone I was. It hit me like a bomb.”
Patricia describes how her world kept getting smaller: “In the end, I had only two roles left: mother and employee. My hobbies fell by the wayside, and I hardly ever saw my friends because I was always busy—or, really, just tired. Within my family, I only did the ‘obligatory things.’ That’s how I lost touch not only with myself, but also with the people around me.”.
The pattern of ‘I’m doing fine, I can do this, I’ve got it under control’ ”It kept people at a distance. It protected me from being hurt again, but it was almost impossible to break through."
How did you overcome your loneliness?
“Honestly? Not quite yet. But I’m working on it,” says Patricia. “Loneliness that creeps into your life gradually takes time to go away again.”.
For me, that means I can slowly start to break down my defenses. That I can learn to trust again, ask for help, and lean on others. I find that difficult.
What did help me, though, was the support group. There, I met parents who understand exactly what I’m going through. I immediately felt heard. That gave me energy. As a result, I found the space to reconnect with the people around me.
”I now allow myself small, relaxing moments more often. Things that help me feel like myself again. And the more I'm in touch with myself, the easier it becomes to connect with others."
